disillusions.


[Triggs] Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? by Triggs
January 30, 2008, 1:56 pm
Filed under: Random

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” is one of the oldest and most famous riddles still in use in the English language. The most common answer is “To get to the other side.” When asked at the end of a series of other riddles, whose answers are clever, obscure, and tricky, this answer’s obviousness and straight-forwardness becomes part of the humor.

With the global phenomenon called the internet, we’ve seen our fair share of celebrities having their go at this widespread example of bad humor. Ever wondered what your favorite (or hated) anime characters would say if they were asked?

Here’s what you’d probably get.

Konata Izumi, Lucky Star: To get to the doujin shop!

Tsukasa Hiiragi, Lucky Star: What road?

Himura Kenshin, Ruroni Kenshin: Oro??

Shishio Makoto, Ruroni Kenshin: Because it knows those who cross the road will survive, and those that don’t will perish.

Yuki Nagato, SHnY: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into objects “chicken” and “road” and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Kyon, SHnY: Yes why indeed? It was suggested that the crossing was caused by a supernatural being. Well, yes, it might, it might. But is it likely? I mean, is it? Seriously. Think about it. Is it likely? At all? Does it seem even remotely plausible? That “some all powerful conscious being” (but who? oh, who? who might it be? Colonel Sanders?), powerful enough to “produce” perhaps the entire universe and some conscious beings with free will – would cause a chicken to cross the road?

Dita, Vandread: The chicken awoke to find it was paralyzed and surrounded by aliens that teleported it out of its bedroom, over the road to the mother ship where they performed experiments on its eggs.

Revy, Black Lagoon: How the heck would I know? Now get lost dipshit or you’ll be the one running across the road with an extra asshole.

Genjo Sanzo, Saiyuki series: Kill the chicken on the road as you meet it.

Son Goku, Saiyuki series: Is chicken tasty?

Setsuna F. Seiei, Gundam 00: Why is the chicken misguided? Is it God’s fault? Or is it man’s fault?

Chairman Gilbert Durandal, Gundam SEED Destiny: “Thou shalt cross the road” was embedded into its genetic code.

Yami Yugi, Yu-gi-oh!: Now that the chicken has crossed the road, I activate my magic card Polymerization and fuse the Chicken card and the Road card to form the ultimate fusion monster card, CHICKEN ROAD GUARDIAN!

Echizen Ryoma, Prince of Tennis: Mada mada dane.

Natsumi Tsujimoto, You’re Under Arrest series: He’s crossing the road without using the pedestrian crossing! That’s jaywalking! I’m gonna chase him down and slap him with a 50 buck summon!

Kurosaki Ichigo, Bleach: BANKAI!!!!!!!!!!!

Alphonse Elric, Full Metal Alchemist: The chicken cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange. As such, the chicken must have something to gain from its time and energy lost whilst crossing the road.

Reverie Metherlance aka Ren, Erementar Gerad: To find the Edel Garden.

Rei Ayanami, Neon Genesis Evangelion: The chicken fears the darkness, so it scrapes away at the edges with fire.

Ash Ketchum, Pokemon: Is that a new pokemon? Oh my god! I gotta catch it!

Shana, Shakugan no Shana: Urusai! Urusai! Urusai! Who says it was a chicken? It might have been a torch.

Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass: If the chicken doesn’t move, then his subjects won’t follow.

Maj. Motoko Kusanagi, Ghost in the Shell: Because external influence which had from birth pervaded its sensorium had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing those actions to be of its own free will.

Archer, Fate/Stay Night: I am the bone of that chicken…

Light Yagami, Death Note: “Chicken” in Hebrew is “Tarnegolet”. Using Gematria – the ancient Hebrew system of numerology – “Tarnegolet” converts to 372 = 3+7+2=12 = 1+2=3. Eggs are sold by the dozen. A dozen is 12 = 1+2=3. Could it be that chickens and eggs were created at the same time (which answers the age-old question)? God’s signature is in our DNA which is also 3. So God put it in the DNA of chickens to cross roads.

A baker’s dozen is 13. The next Fibonacci number after 8, the target frequency of the Schumann Resonance, is 13. Can it be just coincidence that these two numbers are the same? Surely not.

Darth Vader, Star Wars (Yes, I know, he’s not an anime character…): Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side of the road.

Kid, The Matrix: Do not try to see the chicken crossing the road; that’s impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth: There is no chicken.

Colonel Sanders, KFC: Oh, one got away? Damn.

Douglas Addams, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Forty-two.

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